SAD, so sad 5th of July

MCNAIR SLAIN scream the headlines of today's Tennessean newspaper, McNair being our Titans' quarterback for 9 years, the franchise's for 11 and then 2 more with the Baltimore Ravens. He considered Nashville home, and, indeed, this is where he died yesterday, shot multiple times. He died too early at the age of 36.

• He grew up poor in Mississippi and went to a small college when no other large universities would offer him the quarterback position. But he was impressive enough at Alcorn State to be 3rd pick for the Heisman Trophy and to be drafted by the pros. He took our team to the Super Bowl the 3rd year in town ('99). He was considered a warrior, a strong scrambler, able to play through pain and injury. He always took a nap right before game time, lying down on a training table wherever. Adults looked up to him. Little boys too. But especially to the black community he was another example of someone who had made it. In his own words, "you don't think about playing on TV . . . or the money. You just want to be able to go back home and have those folks say 'Hey, Steve did OK for himself. He did us proud.' That's good enough for me."

Now, it's ironic that we first heard yesterday around 6:30 p.m. as we were turning into LP Field, where Steve took all those pre-game naps, that our son Grant called and told me that McNair had been shot and was dead. I was so shocked. We turned on the radio and found out the circumstances of a possible murder-suicide (eventually anyway) and his several month affair with a 20 year old girl. He was not divorced. She had had a DUI with him in the car just 2 nights ago. He had had DUIs himself. He was a good person, but a flawed person. As we all are.

• I think that when we have so much pressure on us in one area of our lives, it some way releases itself in disfunctional ways in other areas. He needed to strive for perfection as much in his personal life as he did in his professional life. But, as I said, we are all flawed. He paid the ultimate price for his flaw. It can happen. Be advised. I think McNair would want you to take something away from this.

Happy 4th of July!

We checked the weather in the a.m. and saw that there was a 40% chance for rain and thunderstorms at 9 and 10 p.m. so we were prepared. So after careful research and deliberation, we decided to watch from our car parked in LP Field, the Titans' football stadium. We didn't see anywhere that it cost anything, but keeping the rule in mind that nothing's free, we shelled out $10 to park. Our hubris then led us to venture out and sit over beyond a row of trees because "the grass is always greener of the other side."

• We even took our umbrella, our new folding, camp UVa lawn chairs, and books to read and wait for about 2 hours - or so we thought. When it began to look ominous, around 8:15, they began the fireworks, which was an hour early. But it was dark and presumably they hoped to beat the storm. But it was already drippy and halfway through our beautiful display (top 5, I've read 3rd in the nation, but maybe 4th), the skies let loose.

So, had we followed our plan to be sitting in our car in case it rained? No. We were still sitting where the grass was greener in our comfortable new lawn chairs. And even though we had an umbrella and were already drenched, we felt we had to make it back to the car so as not to be struck by lightening - Bill with constant eyes to the front because his arm was breaking from carrying all the stuff (he later said) and me, Nina, with my head turned sideways to still watch the fireworks while he shouted "Are you keeping up with me?"

• Not the best of 4th of July firework displays, but one of the coolest's. When I got home I had hot chocolate. Now that's saying something for July 4th in Nashville!

• Our hearts still go out to the boys in Iraq - I believe 5 were killed there this week. Brave, brave men and women.

From the book I'm reading now (fiction):

Breathes there the man so dead

Who never to himself hath said,

"This is my own, my native land!"

• Wouldn't it be nice if we all could be at peace in our own native lands? I have a dream about that!